Hello {{first_name}},

A MESSAGE TO WOMEN LAWYERS AND LAW STUDENTS

This is part of a speech I made in 2020 at the graduation ceremony of a mentorship programme I was running, on behalf of two organisations, the DGRU (Democratic Governance and Rights Unit) at the University of Cape Town, and the Western Cape Chapter of the IAWJ - International Association of Women Judges.

Something nudged me to share part of this with you today. Sadly I don't have a video of it - but here are the words. Maybe there is a law student you know who might need to read this today.

When you lift up women, you lift up humanity

"What all my work with students, and with lawyers and with women has shown me is that before you can change the world, you need to believe you can. You need to believe your thinking matters, that your voice matters and that you can dare for your voice to be heard even though at times this may cost you.

Reading Melinda Gates’ book Moment of Lift really helped clarify my own thinking around this programme and what it has meant to me. I share Melinda's belief that women need to be set free from the inside before they can change the world. This means I shifted the content of the mentorship programme to really focus on the interior world of the students and went off script from the previous year's content. I realised my approach may not have been as enthusiastically received by everyone but in the end I have learned I can only be true to myself.

I am coming to understand that the way I am in the world does not please everyone. That there are people, and there are women, who will not have my back and will try to shame me. Slowly, and painfully I’m learning how to be OK with the criticism because I know I need to stop pleasing to start living. (I then held up Glennon Doyle's book UNTAMED and read from it)

“INTEGRITY means having only one self. Dividing into 2 selves – the shown self and the hidden self – that is brokenness, so I do whatever it takes to stay whole. I do not adjust myself to please the world. I am myself wherever I am and I let the world adjust.”

These are Glennon’s words. I want to be able to say what she said and mean it. At times this is really scary and really hard.

My own journey has been filled with struggle and doubt around my self worth. I have shared with you some of this journey, of eating disorders, and addiction and alcoholism and shame and imposter syndrome, and failing financially. I don’t share these stories to garner sympathy but because I know we ALL have these wounds and they stop us from doing what we need to in the world if we don’t heal them. When we come from a place of woundedness, and feeling not enough – we may still achieve a leadership position, but we burn ourselves out in the process because when we come from a place of lack, no achievement is ever enough. We over-work and take on too much and try to be everything to everybody and in the process we abandon ourselves and this is not sustainable.

When we have done our own work, only then are we able to make the fullest contribution we came here to make.

There are always 2 aspects to our lives – the external and the internal. The mentors on this programme were tasked with showing you the real world of court. A privilege you have heard again and again that most of them DID not get. Many became magistrates without anyone showing them a court room, or speaking about what it takes to do this all-consuming work. You have been shown how to conduct proceedings, proper demeanour in court, the intellectual demands of writing judgments, the emotional toll it takes to sentence people.

I wanted to tell you – as students - that you are capable of following in these amazing magistrates footsteps even if

• you currently have panic attacks every time you write exams.

• Even if you currently are trying to move past unhealthy coping mechanisms like eating disorders and alcohol

• Even if you are suffering from depression

• Even if you cannot articulate the pain of living in a world of white supremacy where you rarely see women who look like you making partner and sitting on the bench

• Even if you are filled with doubt about becoming a lawyer because of where you come from, how you speak or the jobs your parents have, or don’t have

You can triumph over all these odds. If you do 2 things:

1. If you choose to focus on the vision of where you are headed rather than your current reality

2. get help to make the changes you know you need to make – if you can’t afford therapy, buy a book, watch YouTube videos, journal every damn day until you see the Light.

The Light in you.

You’ve got this. And this roomful of women has your back. Thank you for the privilege of letting me run this programme this year. I Had no idea it would turn out to be one of the most enriching experiences of my life thus far.

The comments on the recorded talks, the messages you sent me after the leadership weekend, and finally the birthday messages you sent honouring me for what I’ve done last week, mean more to me than I can express in words. Whenever my belief “I am not enough” crops up again, which it will, because I accept that we all have self limiting beliefs, I will turn to your words, which I have saved, to remind me that I am.

Thank you for seeing me.

Thank you to the DGRU and IAWJ for the opportunity, and every mentor for sharing in this beautiful co-creation of the mentorship programme 2020.

Keep your hearts wide open."

End of speech. It was followed by the most amazing speeches by 3 of the students from the programme. They blew me away! I couldn't believe the gravitas with which they spoke. All of these experiences in 2020 were what prompted me to create the Awakening Lawyers Student Mentorship Programme this year - which I did, and which is thriving! More on that soon.

TASK FOR THE DAY:

Take 5 minutes and ponder this - go on - set your phone for 5 mins (ignoring all the messages) and focus on this:

Are you able to be yourself and let the world adjust to who you are? Or are you still trying to fit in to all the demands the world makes of you? What will it take to give yourself permission to be all of you?

Yes, I want to transform my practice so it aligns with who I am now.

How does it sound to be fully supported to transform your practice to a conscious legal practice, in an extraordinary 6 month mentorship container harnessing the expertise and energy of some radically amazing awakening lawyers?

If this sounds cool, let's schedule a chat. I had such a delightful Clarity Call last week. I love talking to awakening lawyers. This was a beautiful lawyer, practising family law in a conscious way in Johannesburg yet without knowing she is part of a much broader community of lawyers whose support she can draw upon. I'm so excited to be working with her in the next few weeks.

If you'd like to hop on a Clarity Call to talk about anything to do with being an awakening lawyer, message me.

Let’s uncover all your stories around the lawyer you thought you were supposed to be.

Let’s figure out the lawyer you would love to be.

Let’s give voice to the version of you that you still dream of being, although you’ve been too damn busy to spend time dreaming.

And anyway, isn’t that just too idealistic and pie-in-the-sky?

I’m here to tell you it’s not.

And help you figure out how you’re going to be that lawyer, starting now.

Sending love to you, and prayers for our country. For the world.

xxx